Harry Potter and the story that makes no sense
by Akira Muratake
Summary: In this everstupid story, Harry wonders of how everyone got there, Luna argues about the existence of heliopaths, Hermione doesn't know something, and Ron's only purpose is to ask what something obvious is.No own, no sue.


_**Harry Potter and the completely random rescue of his godfather with the aid of his godmother. Harry had a godmother?**_

Harry Potter was sitting in a tree, thinking of getting Ginny up there. Problem was, he could not figure out why the mysterious force called the author decided to write that previous sentence. Also he couldn't figure out the meaning of the title.

HARRY: I have a godmother? Why didn't Dumbledore tell me?

Miles away…

DUMBLEDORE: I thought she finally died from caffeine overdose.

Back in the tree…

HARRY: Damn him.

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Now, the godmother in question, Miranda Darkholme-Black, is the fifth Marauder. She joined AFTER the map was written, so she isn't exactly included. The story of how she and her sister Raven got in is very sad.

READERS: You promised a RIDDIKULUS!

RANDOM READER: Why do you think we care?

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Shut it or I'll fart.

READERS: roll their eyes

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: farts

HALF THE READERS: die of stink

ENTER MIRANDA.

MIRANDA: Hey, Harry, get down here! We're going to Hogwarts!

HARRY: gets down

HERMIONE: appears out of nowhere

HARRY: Hermione, how'd you get here?

HERMIONE: Harry, don't you EVER read Hogwarts: a history?

HARRY: No. How'd you get here?

MIRANDA: Wait… we were supposed to read Hogwarts: a history for this fan fic?

HERMIONE: And write a 12000-page essay. I hope Binns won't be frustrated- mine is 1 million pages too long.

HARRY and RON: stare at Hermione

HARRY: Hey, Ron, how'd you get here?

RON: I dunno…

LUNA: Maybe it's the Heliopaths.

MIRANDA: What are heliopaths?

HERMIONE: I don't know.

MIRANDA: I need coffee.

HARRY and RON: stare Hermione doesn't know?

MIRANDA: We have to get to school.

HARRY: But it's JULY! Hey, Luna, how'd you get here?

LUNA: Heliopaths.

RON: What are Heliopaths?

HERMIONE: I don't know.

MIRANDA: teleports everyone to Hogwarts

HARRY: Hey, how'd we get here?

RON: I dunno….

LUNA: Maybe it's the heliopaths.

HARRY: What are Heliopaths?

RAVEN: They don't exist.

LUNA: Yes, they do!

RAVEN: Prove it. puts her hands on her hips

LUNA: looks defeated

RON: Who are you?

RAVEN: A depressed mass murderer.

MIRANDA: I need coffee.

REMUS: Hey, I mooned Orlando Bloom!

ALL FEMALES: Orlando Bloom…. drool

RON: What's Orlando Bloom?

HERMIONE: Only the hottest guy in the history of the universe…

RON: What's the Universe?

HERMIONE: Ron, don't you ever read Hogwarts: a history?

RON: No. We were supposed to?

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: GET TO THE #$ing POINT ALREADY, OR I'LL FART!

DUMBLEDORE: draws up gas masks

HARRY: Why didn't you tell me I had a godmother? thrashes Dumbledore's office

DUMBLEDORE: I thought she died of a caffeine overdose.

RON: What's a caffeine overdose?

MIRANDA: I need coffee….

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Sirius whacked Snivellus on the head for calling Miranda a mudblood, and they've been friends ever since.

SIRIUS'S FANGIRLS: OOH… so brave…. So strong… must have him!

MIRANDA: GET OFF! Sirius is mine!

RANDOM READER: I thought that you said the story was sad…

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: It was… he used the fifth book.

TIME-FREAK READER: But it wasn't out yet!

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Did I say that it was out?

TIME-FREAK READER: He used it to whack Snape. If it wasn't out yet, how'd he use it?

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: confused

RON: What's Snivellus?

HARRY: Snape.

HERMIONE: I didn't know that!

RON: stares at Hermione

MIRANDA: I need coffee…..

REMUS: Why am I here?

HERMIONE: According to Hogwarts: a history, you mooned Orlando Bloom.

ALL FEMALES: Orlando Bloom…. drool

HARRY: Hey, Remus, how'd you get here?

MIRANDA: Hey, let's bring back Sirius!

SIRIUS'S FANGIRLS: Mmm…. Sirius…

MIRANDA: OK.

EVERYONE: appear at the ministry's guest entrance

HARRY: Hey, how'd we get here?

LUNA: Heliopaths.

RAVEN: They don't exist!

LUNA: Prove it. puts her hands on her hips

RAVEN: looks defeated

OPERATOR THINGY: Please state your name and purpose.

MIRANDA: Um… everyone we could cram into the booth… we're here to resurrect Sirius Black.

BADGES: tumble out

OPERATOR THINGY: Have a nice day.

HARRY: Hey, how'd we get in here?

RAVEN: Heliopaths?

LUNA: I thought you said they don't exist?

RAVEN: Prove it.

LUNA: looks defeated

HARRY: waves wand

SIRIUS: comes back to life

VOLDEMORT: appears

HARRY: Hey, how'd you get here?

LUNA: Heliopaths?

RAVEN: I thought you said that I said that they don't exist?

LUNA: Prove it.

RAVEN: looks defeated

SIRIUS: What's going on?

REMUS: I mooned Orlando Bloom.

ALL FEMALES + VOLDEMORT: Orlando Bloom… drool

HARRY: waves wand

VOLDEMORT: dies

HARRY'S SCAR: disappears

MIRANDA: makes out with Sirius

HERMIONE: Hey, Harry, where's your scar?

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Hope you enjoyed this story.

READERS: No, we didn't.

WEIRD GHOSTLY VOICE THAT SOUNDS LIKE ME: Please press that shiny review button, or I'll fart.

EVERYONE: puts on gas masks

THE END


End file.
